depravity & a late night. exactly as it was scrawled in my notebook.

naked. exposed. vulnerable. violated. unworthy. useless. unloveable. trash. ugly. ashamed. abused. belittled. dirty. alone. cold. haunted. plagued. cheated. double-minded. doubtful. torn. conflicted. victimized.

from the beginning, there's been a war for my mind; and it would seem as if the bad guys were winning. my peace has been threatened.

a vagabond, a charlatan
i've wandered
hands covering my
face, You lowered my
arms, my guard, fought your
way into my vulnerable heart past
the thoughts of unworthiness...
i'm convinced,
there was never a
time when You didn't
have Your hand holding
mine... I may have dirty
hands, cold from the night,
I may have cheated on you
with an ace hidden up my sleeve, or
so I thought-
I may have acted the harlot... but
I'm convinced that You are the bigger
man, the better half, the one who forgives
the thief & traitor, adultress... I turned on
myself, I'm conflicted, I'm divided- now I'm
in the corner naked & violated, because I let
myself go- You silence both halves of me &
for a while at least, I'm at peace... I'm
convinced, You desire me even after all I've done...
I need to realize, You still chase me, pursue
me, You love me, & where would I be if You didn't?

precious. prized. beloved. clean. restored. treasured. important. meaningful. purposeful. warm. comforted. sheltered. rested. wanted. desired. healed. whole. lifted.

redeemed.