Thirst

It's been over a week since I went to the youth conference called Thirst, but I felt the need to write a quick blurb about my experience.

It was quite a showy setup- a stage with spotlights and new equipment, projected lyrics, a worship band with attractive members, all dressed quite stylishly.

Great. An empty show, solely meant for a spiritual high with no real life change. I did not have high hopes for that night.

Taryn and I rushed the stage as soon as we walked in. Worship started soon thereafter. Since I didn't know the songs they were playing, I took to observing the people around me [as well as following the lyrics on the graphically appealing projection screen, of course]. Most people were really getting into it- raising their hands, kneeling, crying. Hm, I thought. That's cool, but are they really feeling it, or are they just showing off? It's unnecessarily hard to tell the hypocrites from the sincere these days. [Yes, I'm a cynic.]

Then something caught my eye. A few feet in front of me, a tall, strong young man [I'm guessing him to be about seventeen or eighteen] collapsed, I mean COLLAPSED, onto his knees in a completely submissive state of worship. I saw him crying.

There are very few forces that can bring a man down like that.

Worship ended, the sermon began, and while I did take something away from that it's not the main point of this post, so I'll save that for another day.

After that sermon there was another worship session. I was really starting to feel God in that room and I thought, Hm, maybe this isn't just a charismatic show after all.

A couple hundred of us, students and youth leaders alike walked to the aisles for worship.

I can't really explain what happened right then, but it was one of the most surreal things I've ever experienced. I'm not kidding you, I was literally expecting flaming tongues of fire to appear on the head of every person in that room.

As I stood in the aisle I was joined by this FREAKISHLY tall boy- as he walked up, the lead singer of the worship band invited everyone to join hands. So of course we did join hands, and together we worshiped, like a brother and sister. It was really cool. That got old after a while though, so we disconnected and wandered away.

Our little Faith Evangelical church group started to form a prayer circle. After a while three girls whom none of us knew joined us. A tallish girl with blond hair took my hand when she joined. After about a minute of prayer I heard her bawling, I mean really wailing- as I held her hand I could feel her tremble. I didn't know what her name was or where she came from, but all I knew was that God was working in her right then, that she was my sister and that I loved her as if we were the closest friends. Just as a sister would have, I embraced her and let her cry it out on my shoulder. It was surreal. I was completely overcome.

Simultaneously we both fell on our faces in worship and prayer. I wasn't crying out of desperation or loneliness like I know many of those other teens were- I was crying out of awe and love. I loved so much in those few moments that it physically hurt the cavity in my chest. I was so amazed by this God who could bring a roomful of seemingly invincible teenagers to tears.

This lasted for a really long time. No one wanted to leave, and the band played on. Several people took the microphone and shared their personal revelations. The young man I had seen fall to his knees at the beginning of the conference stepped up to the mike. He began to pray for all of us there, his family. He thanked God for the opportunity to come out here. He prayed for those he knew were hurting. After praising God for a while he became overcome with tears and couldn't talk anymore. I love him, too.

Our circle prayed on. Though we had disconnected hands we were all still in a circle. Most of us were kneeling, others were facedown on the ground. I opened my eyes once during my prayer, and I saw Danny praying over Taryn's ankle. I didn't tell him this, but that was one of the best things I've ever seen. You could feel the passion radiating from him.

Much more happened, but the English language doesn't have the right vocabulary to describe it. All I can say is, I don't know who all was in that room, I probably only knew a grand total of twenty people there- but I can't wait to see every single person who was there in heaven. I really can't. I can't wait to spend eternity with them.

Journal Entries from Freshman Snow Camp 2009

1/16/09 Friday night

[On Nick's talk]: I'm a Christian, sitting in the boat being called by Christ to be a fisher of men- I believe, but do I ever really follow? I can hear him calling me, holding out his hand, I want to follow but I need to be trained... what does truly following God look like? Is it deeds, a change of lifestyle, or a total change of insides and character? I'm begging him, please, PLEASE, clean out my insides and tell me what to do... Five Iron Frenzy's "Far Far Away" comes to mind...

1/17/09 Saturday morning

[On morning devotions]: I'm still praying for God to gut me, transform me from the inside out... I didn't actually do the devotion, but I read Ephesians "Living As Children of Light" and was struck dumb by the passage...

Saturday night

[On group sessions]: I can't believe I finally spilled my guts about the OD-ing I used to do. It felt right, though. My friends spilled their guts, too, and we're closer and understand each other better because of it...
[On the campfire worship session]: It was so beautiful I can't even describe it. There was such a sense of family, EVERYONE felt connected. People kept talking about how we ARE family, and it made me realize that we are bonded by something so much deeper than blood... Bill told us to never forget the moment... awesome acoustic worship... I saw a shooting star while singing "Your Love Is Extravagant" to the sky, and I know it was meant for us... I cried... We sang "Jesus Lover Of My Soul," "Prince Of Peace," "My Savior My God," "Blessed Be Your Name," "Heart Of Worship [a capella]," "Surrender..."

I don't want to leave. This is my family, and we may not all be together like this again. I love everyone here, I mean REALLY love them because of who they are in Christ. I can hear God out here in the mountains... I've stepped out of the boat... I'm ready to read the Bible myself and work on joining worship band in the summer as a guitarist, start really loving and ministering, learning to be full of God and absolute truth... I love this. I'm so blessed to be here. It's a spiritual high, sure, but I've learned solid, substantial stuff and I've gotten a lot of things straightened out...

When I'm eighteen, I'm getting a star tattoo with a verse in Hebrew [or Spanish, maybe??] to accompany it. stars play such a big role out here...

1/18/09 Sunday morning

[On morning worship]: The band played "Surrender" and everyone fell to their knees... I learned more about my calling through 2 Peter... we had one last group hug... took the group picture in front of the Covenant Heights sign... had an awesome time in Estes...
and then it was over.

End of entries.

I walked away with a lot this weekend. I'm never forgetting it. Loneliness truly is a bit of hell... now I've gotten a taste of what heaven is like.

Grateful Ingrate

So, I've been reading this book Girl Meets God, in which the author, a former Jew, relates her walk with God through her early Christian years after her conversion. One sentence struck me as I was reading the other day: "I know what gratitude is, and I know how to talk about it convincingly, but I have only felt gratitude twice."

This, I thought, is something I can relate to. Real, soul-soaking gratitude for whatever God has done is hard to come by sometimes. It can be so ridiculously difficult for humans to fully grasp exactly what Christ did, is doing, and will do for us.

As I was lying in bed last Wednesday night after youth group, kept awake by the persistence of caffeine, gratitude came knocking.

Here was my thought process:

Who would I be, and where would I be going, if God hadn't interceded at the perfect time? I know what road I was going down when He shook me- I was already struggling with pill popping, over-dieting, lust, self hatred, the desire to drink myself to "happiness," and other habits I would rather not even think about. It's a possibility that I might be dead right now- not necessarily from a suicide attempt, but maybe from an accumulation of self-destructive habits. And if not dead, I could be an alcoholic bulimic who used painkillers and sleeping aides to get through the day, or a wanna-be hooker who completely gave herself away to the first guy who asked just to feel worthy of something. Only God knows where I would be, but I have an idea of who I would have been.
Hmm- God has really reached His hands into every single aspect of my life, right down to my makeup. I've never noticed that before. Not only have I handed over the bad habits I had, but I've even done things like changed my makeup to keep it minimal so as not to overpaint "the perfect masterpiece," the face God made for me. The pictures on my walls, the people in them- would they be the same if God hadn't shown me to my amazing, wonderful, loving Christian friends? Would I listen to the same music? Would I be able to save myself for my future husband? Would I be able to appreciate nature and the beauty of life? Would I be able to love and respect my family like I do now? Would I have this incredible joy and peace 24 hours a day, even in the worst times? Would I be so blessed?
Ah- probably not.

That's when the gratitude enveloped me like a spring tide and I shivered with its impact. I would not have this beautiful promise of one day meeting my ultimate Soulmate and being wedded to Him forever. I would be completely lost, always feeling the sting of losing my other half and not even knowing it. It's such a fine line between the old life and the new- I can still see my old life clear as day. But thanks to the ultimate freedom, I don't have to look back on it. I can look ahead and know that no matter what happens in my life that I will, one way or another, end up in Christ's arms.

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death."
-Romans 8:1-2

A Real Man

http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/01/teen-girls-define-a-real-man/

I can't speak for every Christian girl out there, but I'd have to say that this is THE list of things I'll be looking for when it comes time to start looking for a husband [which won't be for a good while, I can guarantee that ;) ].
Great guys who follow God ARE out there and they CAN be found. Off the top of my head I can think of 14 men [young and old] that are excellent examples of godly leadership and discipleship.
Also realize that I'm not saying that there's such a thing as "the perfect man." Come on. No one can be 100% perfect 100% of the time. But there are men out there who are striving constantly to pursue God's heart- and while they stumble on occasion, we all do, they are the men that will set their standards far above the others and, with God's blessing, live up to them.

At the same time, there are characteristics of women that we can embrace and live up to. Here's the link for that post:
http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/02/three-teens-define-a-real-woman

As Christians we are called to live a life that's totally different than what the rest of the world has to offer. These articles are just brief summaries of how we can live that life with humility and grace, and why.
If you can, I also recommend checking out the rest of therebelution.com. It's a great resource and worth paying attention to and discussing.

In Christ,
Morgan

Psalm 116

i love the Lord, for he heard my voice;

he heard my cry for mercy.

because he turned his ear to me,

i will call on him as long as i live.

the cords of death entangeled me,

the anguish of the grave came upon me;

i was overcome by the trouble and the sorrow.

then i called on the name of the Lord,

"o Lord, save me!"

the Lord is gracious and righteous;

our God is full of compassion.

the Lord protects the simplehearted;

when i was in great need, he saved me.

be at rest once more, o my soul,

for the Lord has been good to you.

for you, o Lord, have delivered my soul from death,

my eyes from tears,

my feet from stumbling,

that i may walk before the Lord

in the land of the living.

i believed; therefore i said,

"i am greatly afflicted."

and in my dismay i said,

"all men are liars."

how can i repay the Lord

for all his goodness to me?

i will lift up the cup of salvation

and call on the name of the Lord.

i will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people.

precious in the sight of the Lord

is the death of his saints.

o Lord, truly i am your servant;

i am your servant, the son of your maidservant;

you have freed me from my chains.

i will sacrifice a thanks offering to you

and call on the name of the Lord.

i will fulfill my vows to the Lord

in the presence of all his people,

in the courts of the house of the Lord--

in your midst, o jerusalem.

praise the Lord.

A Renewed Vow

(picture taken from c28.com)

I feel the need to start out this post with an apology:

To any guy I have ever caused to sin because of the way I dress, you don't understand how sorry I am. I've never conciously tried to flaunt anything, but I realize that I've also rarely taken into consideration how simple articles of clothing can affect you. It's time for me to start being aware of how some things, even just a tank top, can take your eyes off of Christ.





Generally I just buy my clothes because I think they're cute and, by my standards, they're modest. But after reading some posts from therebelution.com, I realize that I need to be dressing according to even higher standards than what I've set, even if they're already higher than the world's standards. As your sister in Christ, the last thing I want is to be a stumbling block to any of my brothers. I want to encourage you in every way I can, even if it's just as simple as choosing a normal, loose T-shirt over some sleeveless number.

I'm not doing this just because of the way it will affect guys now, but also because of who God wants me to be and because I will someday [hopefully] have a husband, and I want to save as much of myself as possible for him.

The reason behind my renewed vow of modesty is due to the modesty survey on therebelution.com. It was a survey conducted by the hosts of therebelution.com in order to let guys voice their opinions on several different aspects of modesty and to help Christian girls, or any girls for that matter, decide what attire will help them encourage their fellow menfolk in staying pure.

Here is the link to the survey results: http://www.therebelution.com/modestysurvey/browse

I highly encourage everyone to read through them and reconsider the state of their hearts. And, if you have the means, I also recommend buying Alex and Brett Harris's book, Do Hard Things- it was definitely life-altering for me, but more on that later; that's a different post entirely.

Love always from your sister in Christ,

Morgan

Post-Mission Trip Blog

As much as I would love to relay every single detail of my week-long trip on this blog, I really don't want to sit here for two hours of writing.
HOWEVER.
If you would really like to hear about my trip and the things I experienced, then I would be more than happy to talk to you about it. Because, let's face it- it was freaking awesome. :]
So, I'll give you a summary of the important things.
All through the week God had been using small experiences to mold me and whatnot. By the end of the week I felt like a different person, literally. I mean, I acted basically the same [i.e. dry humor, same manner of talking, personality, and other things of that nature] but the way I thought about things, myself, and other people had totally flipped. And in the back of my mind I realized that each of those amazing experiences I had were connected in some way, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it.
Then Sunday night at 11:15 pm, a full 29 hours after the trip had ended, it hit me-
God had been teaching me to work through the things that hinder me and just live to Him.
I don't know about you but there are several things in my daily life that keep me from living fully and walking with God. Here's a list of the most common of my hindrances and how God used certain times at Navajo to cut them away:
1) Cynicism (not getting attached to people because I would end up having to say goodbye and getting hurt): All through the week I felt God pushing me to take a leap and love everyone without holding back. Normally I would never do that because it always ends in saying goodbye and, being the selfish person I am, I don't want to get hurt. But I decided to take the challenge and I can proudly say that I let myself get attached to the people I met there. It hurt so bad when I had to leave [ask Katie, she was gracious enough to let me bawl my eyes out on her shoulder] but I'm glad I did it. It really is better to have loved and lost.
2) Vanity: Now, I'm not the type of chick who can't go get the mail without putting a pound of makeup on first. I'm also not the type to freak out about not being able to wear Hollister all week [heck, I don't even wear Hollister]. But I do sometimes make vanity a bit of an issue, and staring in the mirror all day typically hinders people from living the life God gave them. Not having a mirror around all week to be checking my hair or clothes or whatever really helped to focus on God and let personality and love shine through more than appearance.
3) Letting go of the past: I do have issues with not being able to let certain aspects of my past go. I dwell on certain things. But being so busy all week and loving on other people didn't exactly give me time to reminisce about stuff, so I got to know what it feels like to let it all go for a little while- which, I must say, is tons better than holding on to something that keeps my focus off of God.
4) Selfishness: God threw tons of little experiences into each day to teach me about honoring others above myself. When I became willing and put others ahead of me it was awesome- totally a God thing. I can't wait to put that into practice here in Loveland.

Anyways those are just the major things that hinder me daily. Moving on.
For the longest time I couldn't figure out why I was having such issues living the way God wanted me to live. Like I said, on Sunday night it dawned on me and I opened my bible to Hebrews 12, which says, "Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perserverence the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith." After reading that I thought, "So THAT'S what He was saying!" Don't ask me why it took such a long time for me to figure out such a simple spiritual truth- maybe I was blinding myself. Who knows. Point is, I've rarely ever been so focused on God or so bold in my faith before. It was during that week when God helped me cast away the things that hinder me that I was really living the way He intended me to. It was so relieving and fulfilling, I can't even describe it. So now that I know what can happen when hindrances are cut away, I'm planning on cutting away some of the things in my daily life to continue living the way He wants me to.
Please pray for me, because this isn't going to be an easy task whatsoever. But I'm willing to "run the race," if you will, and any prayers would be much appreciated.
Thanks and God bless.

Pre-Mission Trip Post

In roughly 13 hours I will be embarking on a 10 hour road trip, in a van with 14 other people and limited air conditioning, speeding towards a culture none of us has ever experienced before.
[That's my epic-sounding intro.]
So, we're about to leave to go drop my stuff off at the church so they can pack it and we can be ready to leave at *gasp* 4 a.m. tomorrow morning. oaweirgjfjgsdjrfsflsdfsljfd.
I'm feeling happy, excited, and nervous all at the same time. I absolutely love to travel and meet new people, so this is kind of my forte. God has been preparing me for this trip and, while I know that in some ways I will be prepared, I'm still anticipating yet another unexpected event that He will throw at me to make me grow into a woman after His own heart. But the jitters are on the verge of being overwhelming at the same time, too.
See, we're going to be doing missions work at a Navajo reservation in northern Arizona. The Navajo culture is very rich, very rigid, and very unlike my own culture. As I was reading over the trip description, I came across a full page of ways that the Navajo pay respect to their community, nature, and each other. I came across guidelines like, "Don't make prolonged eye contact with an elder" and "Enter each house/monument/historical structure quietly and with reverence." The more I thought about it, the more nervous I got. Naturally, I'm sort of a bubbly person- for me to stay quiet when in the community is something that's going to take a miracle. Part of that bubbly nature is also to be confident with people, which includes making eye contact when speaking to someone.
The Navajo have a wonderful culture and way of life- and I'm a little worried that I'll do/say the wrong thing to offend someone, and that's the last thing I want to do.
But, I was reminded that God called me to go on this trip for a reason, and while I don't know that reason is just yet I should have faith that He will take care of things- and even if I do mess up, something good might come from it.
I started thinking about last year's Alamosa trip and what a beautiful thing it was. I can't even describe how life-changing it was- a full year later, I'm still feeling the impact of the trip and applying the lessons I learned from it to my own life. I can't wait to experience Navajo.
Out of the blue, a question popped up in my head: Why did so many people want to go on this trip? It's going to be a lot of hard work with little rest, a lot of loving others, a lot of selflessness, and a lot of self-sacrifice. It's going to be hard. Why would people go through so much trouble just to reach people?
Then David Crowder blared the answer over my speakers: "You're everything we could ever want/You're everything we could ever need/You're the reason we're coming here/You're the reason we're gonna sing/We'll shout it out loud from the rooftops/We won't be quiet/We've fallen for Your heart and we won't stop/We won't deny it."
Why do we go to such lengths to help people? Because we've fallen head-over-heels for God, it turns into love for others, and there is NO WAY we can keep quiet about this amazing love.
Pray for me and the rest of the team, that we'll be able to spread the Gospel effectively and that our efforts will go towards the Kingdom in everything we do.
I love you all. Have a good week.